Monday, September 6, 2010

Judge Less, Talk More

It would be better not to know so many things
than to know so many things that are not so. ~ Felix Okoye

This about sums things up for me lately. I have been the target of misguided judgments and attacks recently. I've been told the 'truth will set me free'. I've been told I am 'hardwired to be critical' and have been the beneficiary of snide and passive-aggressive comments on Facebook (really?!)

I feel like I'm back in sixth grade. I remember vividly when some of the neighborhood girls would get it into their heads to 'gang up' on my best friends and I. Once my family came home from vacation to find that my friends had written with charcoal all over our sidewalk and driveway; unkind, juvenile comments.

I suppose when people have insecurities of their own, it is easier to heap the blame on someone around them for those things they can't face head on. And I find myself wanting to defend myself. But then I realize, if blaming me is the only way these people can feel good, then so be it. I prefer not to succumb to the he said/she said of it all. I know in my heart what I have done (and have not done.) I have made my attempts to reach out to these people, explain my perception of things, ask directly "What have I done to have you hold this grudge all this time?" But the bottom line is, I can't change the way people think about me. They haven't taken the time to talk to me face to face, and would rather make assumptions and judgments, and take pleasure in spreading their poison. They have made determinations about me with very little knowledge of me or my story.

It is exhausting and disheartening. And a lesson in the shallowness of people's souls. I breathe in peace, and breathe out love. I breathe in peace, and breathe out hope. I am tired.


  1. It is exhausting when others misunderstand us, intentional or not, and make judgements. Please take comfort in knowing that you are loved, and that 'this too shall pass.'

    I liked what you said recently that sometimes we are accused of drama when we are just moving through our pain. That really made me think (and is worth an upcoming post on my blog). That is really true. We each have our own experiences and ways of processing. What appears to be drama (in the negative connotation) to another, can simply be us needing to vent or process a situation; sometimes just relating what is going on in our corner of the universe. We each are here to do just that, to process and learn. And, we each do that differently too. Sometimes there really is more than one legitimate perception based on the same set of circumstances. It all comes from our point of view.

    And as for the word 'drama', some of the best movies fall into that category. Here's hoping this is a small chapter in the beautiful drama of your life.

  2. From MAB:

    "I tried to post a comment on your blog, but couldn't make it happen, don't ask me why. So I will just give you my advice here, which I'm sure you've been eagerly awaiting:

    Time to jettison the pod(s)."

  3. Heather: I love your heart and your wisdom. Thank you.

    MAB: The pod has been jettisoned...again and again. But the damn thing seems to have a flotation device...

  4. Lord have mercy. I am so (blissfully) out of the loop here.

    There's more than plenty of opportunity for drama in this damn tiny town; there's just no avoiding it, unless we're all really good at detaching (pssht! yeah.). I have no advice and my methods are as flawed as anyone's when dealing with shit like this, but then we all have different needs, ay? When I'm hurt or threatened I don't defend. I cut and run. Sometimes I burn the bridge. Then I hide. And take my time. And it takes a long time for me to process then forgive. A really long time. Sigh. I don't know, dude. If I felt like it was the 6th grade again, I would get rid of everything (one) that made me feel that way.

    If you need a place to hide, you can always come out to the tick ranch.


  5. Thanks Em. Your posts always make me smile. The fact that you are blissfully ignorant speaks to the fact that I haven't been blubbering my woes to everyone around me...thank goodness!

    Much drama and ill will results from expectations and assumptions. Face to face conversations based on honesty, peace and resolution are ultimately the best course. But it can take time to get there. And processing occurs in the meantime. And we are all imperfect.

    If we care enough, it does get better.