Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Grandpa "Bob" Palmer July 8, 1920 -- October 4, 2013

A.M. was born on July 8, 1920 and passed away on Friday, October 4, 2013.

A.M. was a resident of Laguna Woods, California.

How is it even possible that a person's life can be condensed down to two sentences? I think more than the sadness over my grandfather's passing and the fact that I was in California this past summer and tried to see him but was unable to, I am deeply saddened that, in the end, those are the only two sentences that I have found acknowledging his passing.

Grandpa Palmer (Bob...not sure how Bob came from the initials A.M., but that is how he was addressed...Bob Palmer) was stepfather to my dad and his brothers. I know little about how he came to be married to my grandmother. What I do know is that he was devoted to her and, by association, to her family. He had a soothing manner, slow and methodical in all he did; he had a deep, calming voice, and he told stories. He loved words...spoken or written...and when my grandmother became ill, he kept a detailed journal of every minute, and he would send it to all of us scattered across the country, so we would know what was happening. It is my deep regret that I did not keep his writings...the journal during grandma's illness, his Christmas letters...because as it turns out, there is little left from his life with grandma or his association with the Izykowski family to remember him by. After some probing, my uncle (the last living of the three sons of my grandmother) was able to obtain one box of items that Grandpa Palmer had managed to keep. This is striking to me, as my grandfather kept *everything*...it took him years and years to leave the home he and grandma had shared, and I remember thinking how unhealthy it was for him to hold onto everything in that house. And then after both my Uncle Bobby and my father passed, I remember writing to Grandpa, asking if there might be anything from all that he had kept over the years pertaining to my father that I might have. But he never responded to that request. By this time he had buried a second love in his life, Alice, who had died due to complications from Alzheimer's, and he was living with his most recent significant other. She had a different view on the Izykowski family, and never warmed up to any of our attempts to keep in touch with Grandpa. I can only imagine that it was during this time that so many things Grandpa had held onto slipped away...now sitting on a shelf in a Goodwill store, or some other thrift shop, or worse, in a landfill.

Grandpa was an extremely intelligent man who worked 40 plus years for Union 76; he planned his retirement in detail, as he did everything (I remember little notebooks he kept and wrote in constantly, always handy in his breast pocket, when they would come to visit us in New York or Virginia from California.) He had a warm smile, a compassionate heart, and a patience like I've never known in an individual. He suffered for years with cataracts, enduring surgeries and finally losing sight in one eye, and yet continued to appreciate the blessings in life. He was always incorporating quotes in his letters to family, and never failed to acknowledge snippets of news we had sent to him in our letters. He was supportive and generous with wisdom he had gained over the years, while never coming off as judgmental or critical.

The one memory that always sticks in my head of grandpa, is driving around Orange County, CA, after dinner in one of those classic L.A. area restaurants...palm trees and a fountain with colored lights and the neon cocktail sign outside. Grandpa would drive slowly, his soothing voice droning on about this place or that, his knowledge of the history of the area was amazing, and I remember being in the back seat and feeling drowsy and content and safe...grandpa's voice and the slow, low click-click-click of the station wagon's blinker lulling me to sleep as we wound our way home.

Rest in peace, Grandpa. I hope you know how much we loved, respected, and appreciated you.